Quite kids

Olive Yerman said...

OMG, my kid keeps crying and won't stop. I'm at my wits' end! How do you get your kids to be quiet, Tiffany? Alcohol. For me an thems. Google 'Sunny D and Rum"

New Qeushuns!

Amanda Murphy

What is your favorite part about being you? 

 

Honey, ifn you thinks ah likes bein me, and that ah done want ta be Pamelas Anderson, you got another thing comin! 

 

Stef Schroer 

I wents to collidge to find mahselves a yung gulible ROTC types, so I can gits mahselves an officah when they grajuate. Its not workin. Whut am I doin wrong?
 

Is you pregnant yet?

 

 

Lori Green 

Dear Tiffany,
My husband's coming home soon and I can't figure out what to wear. He told me just wear jeans and a t-shirt but I want to wear a dress. What would you do? Make it good cuz I'm sending the reply to his ass.

Thanks,
Lori 

 

AH thinks a tight dress wit some kinda boostier underneath. An make is short. An no panties. An bend overs in front of all his mens so's they see whut he's gittin. 

 

 

Cheatin

Dear Tiffany,
my E7 is da hottest man on base.. guess from da whole cuntry..
He was married but now divorced since two years. Since he is deployed in Germeny,
his ex is writing him cards as tho he is in a war over here. No much text, but cards with her signature..
Didn't tell me, I found out by acsident.
He does not want to talk about his ex as this divorce hurt him so mutch but says its over
but still hurts him.
What do I have to do to make him tell me everthin?
Also he does not call evry day. Is he cheating on me and how do I find out?
Apreshiate yo advice very much
S.

S,

You needs to fly riaht overs ta Germany and git yerself pregnint. Then you won;t haves to worry about ifn he's cheetin or not. You kin just git yourselfs a paycheck an he will have to come back to you cause you gots his childs.

Ifn you fly over to Germany I would not tell him you are gonna be theres and see ifn you kin catch him cheatin. I woudl follow him arounds for a few days first, an maybe maybes pay one of them German hoors to try tah git him tah cheat. thens he will have guilty sex wit you and you kin git pregnint.

~ TA

Gittin a man

Laura,

 

Tiffany, I want to get me self a army man with a good paycheck, any advice???
Laura ,

 

1. Use your number ones weapins. Your vajayjay, your boobs and yer mouth.

 

2. Git yerself a jobs at the PX. Ah meats most of my mens there and you kin see ifn their wifes is nasty and the mens are miserables.

 

3. Buy some tight clothes. An a pushup bra.

 

4. Git yerslef a rank chart and studys every nights.

 

4. Git pregnent as fast as you kin.

 

~ TA

Electshuns

Ah runnink for Congress tomorrows! VOTE FOR ME! I promises a welfare check to everyones! Share this so I kin get votes!

Promoshuns

Ripley Beste How do ahs go abouts gittin mah husbern premoated?

Riplay,

First, ah am dissapointerd that yous only had one husbands. The bests way to gits yer husband premoated is to trade him ins fur a higher rankin one.

Ifn you kaint do that, ah recommeneds havin someone elses baby. Thisin ways you kin git an extra paychecks.

Last, you kin sleep with his boss and then takes pictures fur blackmails.

Hope that helps.

~ Tifany Amebrs

PS padon mah spellin I's ate too much candies an everything is blurry.

Fat Girls continued

A.j. Bailey Dear Tiffany A., my "friend" (he's an E-6) was married to a ho almost as hot as you. While he was deployed she left him for an O-4, now he can only attract fat girls...what should he do?

A.J. He should have sex with fat girls. They needs luvin too!  Plus theys obviously makes some good sammiches.

A.J. said...

so I...I mean, my "friend" banged one of these fat girls and it was very disappointing. Is there a trick to it...should he use a harpoon gun or something?

 

A.J.

Maybes you missed. One good trick is tah takes the fat girl, open a big bag of flour over her, and then roll hers around. Ifn she's good an ready, you go for the wet spot. Either you gits her mouth,  the armpits or her vajayjay.  You gots a 1 in 2 chance of having a good time.

TA

 

Halloween

I aint askin

Dante Foulke


What do you think about repealing the DADT policy? Should it happen?

Dantes,

I figures that's one more bunch a paychecks I kin git mah hands on.

~ TA

Duck Huntin

Frum Olivia-

I'm writing you to ask for your help.... Last night we all went out of Halloween. This fat fuck in a duck towel tried to pick me up when I stated no many times. Next thing I know, he is picking me up and he falls over with me in his arms. I gave so many people crotch shots and was straight up embarrassed. I wasnt drunk enough for... that. Regardless, he hurt me and made me cry....

Do you have spare box cutters? Wanna play duck hunt?

Dear Alivia,

It is no fun when some duck is trying to get you to stroke his bill when you is uninterested in him. Ah sujest you be packin' heat next time, Use number 12 buckshot for a duck that big, Girl. Ifn' you wants some help, ah kin come over. but not next week, dick cheney n me is goin' huntin'.

Love, Tiffany Amber smith

Lori Green

Dear Tiffany Amber, what is your secret to getting through the Army Hospital ER as quick as possible?

Deer Lori,
Show up wif a baby comin out.

~TA

FAshin

Danixa Rosa

 

Dear Tiffany; how I can git yo style?

 

Ah gets a lot of it seckinthand from some ladies who work at the club. an the salvashun army. sometimes the walmarts but they never fits raht so a little snip here and you kin turn a tank top into a halter and minni skirt. You also got to be a size 2 like me.

 

~TA

Medsin

Anonymous said...

Dear TA

I have Yellow discharge My Husband says thats the norm. is it?

Dear Anynimious...

Ifn yer husbint is a gymacumolajist then yeah. ifn yer husbint is a garbitch callecter, then go to the army Clinic. Jes in case you bin messin around a little tell him doctor you think your husbint been tomcattin it up wif someone else.

~TA

Run

Jessica Anne  Dear TA -

My boyfriend of nearly 4 years recently decided that he thinks we should "take a break"... What should I do???
Jessica,

Ifn a man says he wants a break, then I thinks you shoulds take that as a sign that you should RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CANS.

~TA

Fat girls

A.j. Bailey Dear Tiffany A., my "friend" (he's an E-6) was married to a ho almost as hot as you. While he was deployed she left him for an O-4, now he can only attract fat girls...what should he do?

A.J. He should have sex with fat girls. They needs luvin too!  Plus theys obviously makes some good sammiches.

 

Crickets said...

Hey Tiffany, what's the best way for my friend to deal with his cheating wife when we get back from deployment? (She did it a lot of times during the year too)

Well now, this un's a tuff one. AH cheats on mah husband cause we's po. This in way I gits more money from mah baby daddies. Maybee whens mah husband git promoted I won't do it no mo, and he knows all abouts it anyways. He luvs me an says he forgives me every time. That he knows abouts.

On the other hand, ifn she's just a lying cheatin ho who is doin it cause she can't go a day without have a sausage, then he needs to kick her to the curb. Aint no call ta be violent, jus go down ta JAG an git youself a Devorce. It's easy, I done it 4 times already.

~ TA

Neethu said...

OH EM GEE TIFFANY AMBER, YOU ARE SO AMAZING! I just wanted to know where did you get your striped midriff from? Is it vintage or designer? Please let me know! Thanks!

Neethu,

Ah gots it from the salvashun army in Fayettenam. AH had to bleach its tah git the bugts out, and that's wear the stripes comt from.

~ TA

Mah first one!

Aimee said...

Hi Tiff! You're my HERO!

My question is about a company Halloween party this weekend. It's going to be all senior enlisted and officers, so I really need to pick the right costume to make a good impression. What do you suggest?

Aimee, I gots one word. TIGHT. Ifn yous got a one of them youngin hard bodies, y'all kin show it off. Ifn you gots some extra poundage, then you kin show off your cushin. Some mens like that powerful much. And git some kinda push uppity bra.

I hopes that helps. ~ TA

Introduction

Hey y'all!

This here's mah firs post. I'm a gonna git inta the advice business. Aks me what you wants!

TA